N00b Sonic Fans Make Me Laugh...

...'cause they're so frickin' stupid.

Hey, it's n5d25d90 here, with a new rant. A rant that I hope you Sonic fans will find mildy interesting. And if not, oh well.

Okay, first thing's first: if you are a Sonic fan and you were born after 1996, you don't know crap about Sonic. Quit acting like you know everything about it and maybe - just maybe - we'll let you on the Sonic bandwagon.

Oh, and for your convenience, here's how you know you were born before 1996:

- You don't give a crap about chao (except Cheese, 'cause he rocks).
- You know Tails is a guy, but sometimes you like to think he's a girl 'cause - let's face it - he got booty.
- You refer to Dr. Eggman as Dr. Robotnik, and you miss his "walrus teeth" outfit (complete with a cape that you almost never really see).
- You remember Sonic before he became "anorexic".
- You remember when Knuckles didn't have to punch a wall to break it down - he just walks through it.
- You remember Debug Mode (good times... good times...).
- You appreciate the music of the best band to ever contribute to Sonic the Hedgehog, Dreams Come True.
- You appreciate the remixes of the music contributed by Dreams Come True in Sonic Advance.
- You actually recall the music contributed by Dreams Come True that were remixed in Sonic Advance.
- Amy was younger and (probably) less of a slut.
- Mecha Sonic pwned.
- Egg Robo pwned.
- The Death Egg was the best Star Wars rip-off ever in your eyes.
- Super Sonic was the best DBZ rip-off ever in your eyes.
- You remember Urkel playing Sonic in three different TV spin-offs.
- You remember when it was only Sonic and Robotnik (and you also remember when there were only six chaos emeralds).
- You remember when special stages were actually easier than the game.
- You remember when Sonic almost kicked Mario's butt in terms of most-loved game mascot.
- Knux always got the hard parts of levels...
- Either Sonic 2 or 3/Knuckles is your favorite Sonic game of all time.
- Knux getting electrocuted in Hidden Palace Zone was the most "shocking" plot development you've ever seen in any Sonic game.
- The Wrecking Ball Pendelum thing will forever be sketched into your mind, along with everything else from Green Hill Zone.
- No one made you laugh harder than Scratch and Grounder. Admit it!

Now for the n00bs that hate Sally for no good reason: this next part is for you.

First of all, Sally may not have been made by Sonic Team, but... heh heh... neither was Amy. Therefore, don't use this as an excuse.

Second, we all know why you really hate Sally. It's not because she's "nude". It's because you want Amy to have Sonic. Here's how I know this:

1. I don't know if you've ever noticed this before... but Sonic's nude too.
2. Tails is nude too.
3. Knuckles is nude too.
4. Cheese technically is nude too, but the bow-tie is too distracting for you to notice anyway. Plus, he looks like a blue Fawful, and that's also very distracting.
5. All the aforementioned are males and... let's face it... they have waaaaaaay more to hide than the girls do. But then again, most of you Sally-haters are girls who probably have never seen one of those things anyway and you're not really sure they exist.
6. How can you call Sally a slut when Amy constantly flashes her panties in virtually every game she's ever been in?
7. Maybe it's just your fantasy. I mean, Sally is relatively mild mannered and would never want to hurt anyone. Amy, on the other hand, is a controlling, maniacal, stereotypically whiny self-proclaimed girlfriend/stalker/fangirl of Sonic the Hedgehog and threatens him constantly with a giant mallet. Because of this, I assume you like to control guys too and make them sleep on the couch just for forgetting it was your second cousin's birthday. I also assume you too would love to hit said guy with a giant mallet for actually having an opinion and/or free will.

Because of this, I proclaim that Sally haters' opinions are null and void, because they have no frickin' clue what they're talking about.

This is merely an example, by the way. I know a lot of pairings that have flamers that have no idea what they are talking about, and when the time comes, you'll get yours.

Thus ends my rant... for now. And before you think that I don't know what I'm talking about, think of this:

I've been a Sonic fan since I was... oh, I don't know... two?

Checkmate.

I'm up, over, and gone. Peace out.