N00b Sonic Fans Make Me Laugh...

...'cause they're so frickin' stupid.

Hey, it's n5d25d90 here, with a new rant. A rant that I hope you Sonic fans will find mildy interesting. And if not, oh well.

Okay, first thing's first: if you are a Sonic fan and you were born after 1996, you don't know crap about Sonic. Quit acting like you know everything about it and maybe - just maybe - we'll let you on the Sonic bandwagon.

Oh, and for your convenience, here's how you know you were born before 1996:

- You don't give a crap about chao (except Cheese, 'cause he rocks).
- You know Tails is a guy, but sometimes you like to think he's a girl 'cause - let's face it - he got booty.
- You refer to Dr. Eggman as Dr. Robotnik, and you miss his "walrus teeth" outfit (complete with a cape that you almost never really see).
- You remember Sonic before he became "anorexic".
- You remember when Knuckles didn't have to punch a wall to break it down - he just walks through it.
- You remember Debug Mode (good times... good times...).
- You appreciate the music of the best band to ever contribute to Sonic the Hedgehog, Dreams Come True.
- You appreciate the remixes of the music contributed by Dreams Come True in Sonic Advance.
- You actually recall the music contributed by Dreams Come True that were remixed in Sonic Advance.
- Amy was younger and (probably) less of a slut.
- Mecha Sonic pwned.
- Egg Robo pwned.
- The Death Egg was the best Star Wars rip-off ever in your eyes.
- Super Sonic was the best DBZ rip-off ever in your eyes.
- You remember Urkel playing Sonic in three different TV spin-offs.
- You remember when it was only Sonic and Robotnik (and you also remember when there were only six chaos emeralds).
- You remember when special stages were actually easier than the game.
- You remember when Sonic almost kicked Mario's butt in terms of most-loved game mascot.
- Knux always got the hard parts of levels...
- Either Sonic 2 or 3/Knuckles is your favorite Sonic game of all time.
- Knux getting electrocuted in Hidden Palace Zone was the most "shocking" plot development you've ever seen in any Sonic game.
- The Wrecking Ball Pendelum thing will forever be sketched into your mind, along with everything else from Green Hill Zone.
- No one made you laugh harder than Scratch and Grounder. Admit it!

Now for the n00bs that hate Sally for no good reason: this next part is for you.

First of all, Sally may not have been made by Sonic Team, but... heh heh... neither was Amy. Therefore, don't use this as an excuse.

Second, we all know why you really hate Sally. It's not because she's "nude". It's because you want Amy to have Sonic. Here's how I know this:

1. I don't know if you've ever noticed this before... but Sonic's nude too.
2. Tails is nude too.
3. Knuckles is nude too.
4. Cheese technically is nude too, but the bow-tie is too distracting for you to notice anyway. Plus, he looks like a blue Fawful, and that's also very distracting.
5. All the aforementioned are males and... let's face it... they have waaaaaaay more to hide than the girls do. But then again, most of you Sally-haters are girls who probably have never seen one of those things anyway and you're not really sure they exist.
6. How can you call Sally a slut when Amy constantly flashes her panties in virtually every game she's ever been in?
7. Maybe it's just your fantasy. I mean, Sally is relatively mild mannered and would never want to hurt anyone. Amy, on the other hand, is a controlling, maniacal, stereotypically whiny self-proclaimed girlfriend/stalker/fangirl of Sonic the Hedgehog and threatens him constantly with a giant mallet. Because of this, I assume you like to control guys too and make them sleep on the couch just for forgetting it was your second cousin's birthday. I also assume you too would love to hit said guy with a giant mallet for actually having an opinion and/or free will.

Because of this, I proclaim that Sally haters' opinions are null and void, because they have no frickin' clue what they're talking about.

This is merely an example, by the way. I know a lot of pairings that have flamers that have no idea what they are talking about, and when the time comes, you'll get yours.

Thus ends my rant... for now. And before you think that I don't know what I'm talking about, think of this:

I've been a Sonic fan since I was... oh, I don't know... two?

Checkmate.

I'm up, over, and gone. Peace out.

Directory (For Future Convenience)

I doubt anyone visits this page, but if they do, they may not know what the heck is going on on this page. That's why I decided to make this directory. If I remember to, I'll update it everytime I update something important on this page.

Basically, everything on the left-hand side of the page is full of rants and complaints that you may or may not (most likely not) find interesting, so let's go straight to the right-hand side.

First thing's first: that's a clock (and a pretty sweet clock, I might add). I got it from a widget site, and it better be free, 'cause there was no price on the page.

Under that is the Historical Archive. This is basically the timeline of this blog. You can practically smell the evolution that took place as this crappy inconvenient blog turned into... well... somethings never change, I guess. Thus, the theory of evolution is disproven, and the Christians finally score some points for the home team.

Under that is the Specific Search, which is much more convenient than the Historical Archive if you don't know when a certain post was... well... posted. If you want to look for a rant, some info, or this directory (Congratulations! You found it already! And in record time!), this is a good place to check out.

Any links after this point are for the most part my own convenience. If they help you at all, that's entirely coincidental, but I'm glad I was of any help.

The Educational Links are where you'll find just some of the greatest websites known to mankind. Of course, any site that I'm already a part of will have a link to my specific page on that site, therefore I don't really need to post the main page to the website. If you weren't too lazy to find my page, you won't be too lazy to find the deviantART front page from my deviantART page. The Educational Links are as follows:

My DeviantART Page - This is where you'll find my MS Paint artistry and poetry. No, I'm not gay.
My Fanfictions - This is where you will find my fanfictions. No, I'm not gay.
My TV.com Page - This is my TV.com account. I don't usually do anything there, though.
My MySpace - Possibly the crappiest looking MySpace page ever. No, I'm not gay.
My SmackJeeves Page - This is my SmackJeeves account. Someday I want to make a Sonic sprite comic and post it on there (just like everyone else on the site).
Ask Mandy - The best e-mail replies since Death Clock. Unfortunatley, like Death Clock, this has been discontinued.
Cheren's Blog - Almost never updated, but ah well. She's cool, so she gets mention.
Maxwell Atom's Blog - The mastermind behind Billy and Mandy can be found (hiding) here. Don't tell him I ratted him out to you.
C.H. Greenblatt's Blog - Yes.
Cammiluna's Blog - ... I have no witty banter for this one.
Sonic Unreal - One of the best Sonic sprite comics I've ever read, but it's definiely not worksafe. And if you don't believe me, there's an animated sprite on the front page of Rouge... doing something to Amy that I probably shouldn't mention here. And now I assume that you're going to see for yourself. Don't say I didn't warn you.
JCV's Journal - Jhonen Vasquez's Livejournal page. Definitely not worksafe.
JTHM Quotes - Wikiquotes page for JTHM. Definitely not worksafe.
Richard Horvitz's Forum - The (surprisingly) ghost-town-like forum of one of the coolest dudes alive. The board is suffering, so give a hoot: make a comment...oot. Commoont... Eh...
Don Dueck's Site - This is where you can find the crazy ramblings of some guy from... Canada, I think.
Snafu Comics - Home of Grim Tales... and some other comics no one has heard of.
Bleedman's Blog - The blog of the talented artist behind Grim Tales and other Snafu originals.
RPG Cliches - They're all there, and they're all true.
Pokemon FireRed/LeafGreen Walkthrough - Frickin' long title, but frickin' worth it if you can't get through this frickin' game.
Pokemon Wiki - If you forgot what Giovanni looked like before they gave him that gay orange suit, there's a picture of his suit from the game somewheres on this site. I'm sure there's more reasons to go on this page, but I am aware of none of them.
Final Fantasy Wiki - Kefka hates a lot of things. What he doesn't hate is this site. Go here if you want info on Final Fantasy, but you're afraid of websearches because of "Rule 34".
Mystical Forest - The Mystical Forest Zone. Need to find Sonic sprites for your sprite comic? Well, going here is better than going through websearches... once again because of Rule 34. Seriously, did you know that by simply typing in "Sonic" in the images area of Google, the first picture that comes up is Sonic "violating" Tails? And now that I say that, you'll probably end up looking for yourself to see if it's true. I'll spare you the trouble. Yes, it's true.

The next part is a section of Sign Generators. I personally find these to be fun and entertaining.

Next up, the Create a Character section. I'm currently on the lookout for character generators. If you know any good ones, don't be afraid to show me the link.

Last but not least for the right-hand column, The Bible Verse of the Month. Well, at least there's something with morals on this page.

Happy blogging, and I hope this directory helped in some way. I will try and update this whenever something new happens on the blog.